Friday, July 17, 2009

With This Ring

Not long ago I made a decision to wear a particular ring on my left ring finger. It also happens to be the only ring I wear most days. The particular ring I'm talking about is a cross ring ... very simple and plain. An understated sort of ring.

It's not a sentimental piece of jewelry. it didn't belong to my grandmother or some benevolent great-aunt. I just happened to notice it and I liked it. And since the price was right, I bought it to wear. Thankfully, it hasn't turned my finger green yet, for truly there isn't even any monetary value to this ring. I think I paid all of $5 for it at a Cato store back around Christmas.

But none of that matters. This ring is right now my favorite ring because of what it signifies and stands for ... for what it reminds me of daily. And that is that I belong to Someone ... the ultimate Lover of my soul.

Being single is hard. In fact, it is a rather lonely place to be at times. Not all the time. But some of the times. Especially at night once the kids are asleep. My mind is full of thoughts from the day. I'd like someone who wants to talk them over. Someone who cares about what is on my mind. Someone who might want to share what is on his mind.

Being single is hard. It can be an emotionally desolate place sometimes. No one is there to ask you why you are crying or to laugh with you over something you find incredibly funny. Your hand never gets held. Your head never gets stroked. And hugs are few and far between.

Being single is hard. Many times you are the odd man (or woman) out. There are days when it seems like every activity revolves around being part of a couple. Holidays are harder. No one is around to help you make decisions, big or little.

Because a single life is so hard, it is tempting to try to focus on finding a mate. I've been very guilty of doing that at times. I'm a woman. My heart yearns to be loved and adored.

But the longer I'm single, the more I'm becoming convinced that God wants to write my love story. That He wants me to trust Him so completely that I can relinquish this area of my life to Him ... to allow Him to be the author of my romance. And if I do this, then I can know several things:

1. I don't have to try to manipulate or work out situations. God is so great and amazing and capable of anything that I could really go live on the moon all by myself and He could orchestrate a way for me to meet the man He has already chosen for me. Not that I'm really planning on testing God in this way, but I can rest assured knowing that all I have to do is live my life for God and He will work out all the details for me.

2. I don't have to attempt to be cuter or funnier or something else that I'm not to attract any man's attention. If I focus on becoming the Paige that God created me to be ... If I focus on loving God more every day ... then nothing that I do or don't do is going to make me any more attractive. That doesn't meant that I'll stop trying to lose weight or brushing my hair cut every morning or suddenly begin to wear ratty, dirty clothes. I think I should definitely take care of myself and try to have a neat, attractive appearance. But I don't have to fret over it as I've done in the past. If God's love, peace and joy radiates through me, then I'm going to be attractive because of the One who is in me.

3. God may or may not want me to remarry. I hope He does. I have conversations with Him about this all the time. Sometimes, they are very much one-sided conversations, but I'm learning to listen to God in this situation, too. And so far, He's not revealing if I'm going to get a second chance at marriage or who that man might be or even how long of a wait I might have. Despite the lack of this pertinent information from God, this much I can trust and know ... God knows my heart and my desires in a much deeper way than even I know them. And He has promised that His plans for me are for my good. He wants to give me the desires of my heart and His plans for my future should give me hope. So whether I get remarried in 2 years time or 10 years time or never, I can look forward to the future with hope, knowing that God has my best interests at heart.

So I wear my cross ring on my left ring finger to remind me of those truths. I look down and see it and I remember, with a heart of thankfulness, that there is One who loves me more than any man on this earth is capable of loving me. And that when God is writing the romance of your life, it is a story worth waiting for.

Someday I'd like to exchange this simple cross ring for a wedding band. Maybe that will happen. Maybe it won't. But until that day should come to pass, I'm going to attempt to faithfully and patiently wait for the Author of the incredible story of the world to write the love story of my life.

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