Last week I applied for a loan on the house ... and you know how it goes, when you start to wonder and worry over if you are doing the "right" thing. I would feel totally confident one minute, only to be plagued by doubts in the next. Waffling back and forth ... obsessing and praying and praying and obsessing. :perplex:
Today, a lady at church spoke with me about her daughter who is moving back to our tiny town due to a divorce situation. :( She was asking me some questions about my experience and as we stood there talking I asked her if C. had found a place to live. The mother nodded yes and then named the house. It was a house that I was trying to rent myself ... and the landlord originally told me yes and then backed out saying that she wasn't able to get things taken care of with the house in order for me to move in.
You know, immediately in my heart I heard a whisper ... it was nearly audible this loud whisper. No doubt it was God, who said to me, "This house was for C. and not for you. I am moving you on and you didn't need to be in that house." It was like a sweet confirmation that I've done the right thing.
Normally, I'd be confused and upset. But today I experience no trace of anger or confusion. I know that the house fell through for me because I'm no longer supposed to be here. Every single door I tried to open was locked tight. God wanted me to move. Besides, I'm thrilled for C. ... she is able to come home and be in this safe cocoon of a town, near her family for this season of healing. And I'm going to be able to leave with peace in my heart, knowing that my own healing season is over and I'm stepping out into the next season of my life which will be in a new town. There will be a new church for me to worship with and new friends for me to enjoy ... new school for the kids, new activities to fill our days and so much to anticipate!
God is incredibly gracious to me. He's been my Protector. He's been my Redeemer, even when I didn't feel like I was worth being redeemed. Now, he is my Encourager ... helping me to boldly step into the new. And with my eyes focused on Him, I'm wildly anticipating the new season that He is bringing into my life.